more shit

OK, so if anyone ever stumbles on this blog I want it to be informative, why not. I'm an addict and I just took 30Mg's of remeron, an anti depressant that's supposed to help me sleep. I know it works a little, but it doesn't put me out completely and I can stay awake forever even with the remeron. I'll be going to sleep soon though, I'm going to go out and apply for a job tomorrow. When I get up in the late morning first thing I do is take four 20mg Prozacs and two 150mg effexors. More antidepressant med, and that's a little heavy dosage wise. I don't like having to take the stuff but I made some promises to some people and I'm going to do what I said for a change. You see these anti-depressants are supposed to relieve me of my craving for alcohol and whatever else I can get my hands on. I don't know how it's working although I have been sober for almost a month. My last relapse wasn't very pretty, December 10, 2006-December 14. I started out with no intention of drinking and someone handed me a crack pipe. Four days later I wake up in my car in some parking lot. I'm out of money, it's raining and cold and my battery is dead. The back seat is littered with vodka and Listerine bottles and I'm not feeling too well. Hmm.....I've gad much worse awakenings so I'm pretty casual about it. I've been sober since that day and trying not to wake up like that again anytime soon. That's why I'm always trying to figure this addiction crap out, only I have to take the ant-depressants because without them I don't seem to make it very far between binges. My plan right now is to not drink like that ever again but, I've had plans like that many times. From now on there's only one occasion where I'm going to allow myself to drink and that's drink in moderation. Gonna crash, mirtazapine is kick'n.