OK, I'm back

Hmm...well, I've been a little preoccupied the last couple of days, so I have been neglecting this thing. You know, looking for work and trying to repair my computers, I got hit with something that really is eating my laptop up and it's also infected this computer which is my desktop. I guess it keeps me busy trying to figure it out, almost like playing a game, I win whenever I discover something and am able to repair it. Only, I feel like I'm spending way too much time with it. I've been warned about cross addiction but this is a better addiction than the one I'm trying to kick. I was thinking about something this afternoon and well, I've had this thought many times in the past but never considered actually trying it. I've been attending AA for a few years now and I gotta admit something. AA meetings that I've been going to aren't working for me. You know, it might be it's because I'm not working the program hard enough; that's what I always hear anyway, but I think there's more to it. The old traditional AA program just isn't my style, at least I haven't found a meeting that fits me yet. I'm happy that so many people have found what they need in AA, but I know a lot of people haven't found it in AA. I'd like to start a new program, one for those of us that aren't quite making it through Bill W's model. I certainly do believe in the group part, we just can't do it alone. The problem I'm having is I just don't see any of the AA groups as really a group. Oh sure it's a group of people in a room, but I see it as a group of "individual people" in the same room? Hmm, I'm not sure I'm saying it right, but let me try to explain myself. Well, let me see, you know I mean ever been to some of the larger meetings? I used to go to one in Falls Church, VA where there were very big groups. I always went there and just sat and listened for an hour, held hands at the end and recited the serenity prayer or depending on the group it might be the lords prayer. Then the meeting was over and everyone went their separate ways. I just don't get it. To be honest, those meetings didn't do anything for me. I've relapsed over and over and listened to others confess their slips many times. So here I end up trying to figure it out. I once voiced one of my theories in an outpatient treatment program I was in and it didn't go over too well. My opinion at the time was that alcoholics and addicts are going to use, no matter what, the relapse is going to happen. We've all heard of the people that have accomplished long term sobriety and then one day for some unknown reason they end up UI again. So I said hey, why is it so imperative that we maintain total abstinence? Like the old analogy goes, if you keep turning up the heat the pot is going to boil over. I don't know, it was just a thought, an occasional controlled slip, one where you are in a safe environment and you can't hurt anyone or be hurt, just to get it out of your system, and then back to abstinence 'till the next controlled release? I just think it would be a much healthier way to deal with this disease. Safe for everyone, no jumping in the car or sneaking around anywhere where you can cause problems. The rest of the time, between release parties or whatever you wanna call it, there is no drinking or using. I really think this would work for some of us that don't exactly fit the standard AA model. And I would come up with a little different set of traditions and steps. We could have regular meetings, contributions to the group would go towards the release sessions, that once a month party ore whatever, biannual even would give us something to look forward to and in the meantime we could be honest productive members of the mainstream society. We would just all know that at some point there would be a bash where we could all get together and cut lose. I haven't worked all the bugs out of this yet, but I'm working on it. I am sober also, I've been sober for a little while now and I don't think everyone will go for this concept, but I know some will.