Never Ending Battle

Simon Says:
OK, I'm back. I've been kinda under the weather for the last week or so. I tried to go off my meds, bad idea, but I had to see what would happen. I ran out of my klonopin and because I'm sick and tired of getting the third degree interrogation every time I get my prescription renewed, this time I thought I'd quit taking them.
Here's what happened, the first couple of days everything was fine. Then I got zapped a couple of times and I was expecting that, only these weren't the standard zaps you get when you withdraw from an SSRI, these were ten times as powerful. The zaps stopped and I thought everything was cool. Then I got zapped again and this time it felt like someone just punched me in the face. It's about four days without the klonopin now and I'm feeling a little paranoid after the punch in the face. They say you can have seizures if you do what I was doing and that's what was beginning to worry me a little. About six days into the withdrawal I'm gradually slipping deeper into this paranoid state because I keep getting an occasional zap, thinking one of these times I'm going to have that seizure. Paranoia starts turning into anxiety. I try to boost my SSRIs to compensate for the klonopin, didn't help. Anxiety was getting worse and I couldn't sleep. I was up for days, no sleep at all then I fell asleep for about five hours and woke up feeling refreshed. Then I was up for another couple of days then another day, no sleep. I realize I'm not looking too well when I look in the mirror, then it dawns on me that I haven't been taking care of myself. I start getting paranoid that someone might notice or that I'm behaving differently than usual which adds to my anxiety level. I start feeling moody along with the anxiety, I can't stop moving around or relax. The moodiness starts getting worse, I'm still taking my anti depressants at a little higher dose but I feel like shit.
Full on depression starts to settle in and I decide I'm going to go see a doctor and try to get back on track. I'm around two weeks without klonopin now and running out of my other meds so logged on to my pharmacy account to order some refills and walla! The doctor I've been seeing renewed my klonopin prescription without me knowing about it! No questions asked, there it was. I ordered them, went and picked them up, and within hours of taking the first pill I was starting to feel better. That was yesterday and right now I'm back. I fell asleep and slept most of the day and I'm feeling fine again. Paranoia, depression, anxiety all gone. Like flipping a switch. All I can say is whew!
Now I know the consequences of going off the klonopin, only I know I'll have trouble getting them in the future which just ain't right. I found the combination of medications that works for me but I have to fight tooth and nail for them, or go back to drinking. Pisses me off completely, but I don't want to go back to drinking unless forced into it by the medical idiots. Damn, they sure are fucking stupid.