The Truth as I see it Today

Simon Says:
OK, here's what's been happening lately. Tonight I went to an AA meeting here in Minnesota (the land of 10,000 treatment centers). I go to a lot of
meetings and I look at them all as place to practice my public speaking skills, and of course to get support in recovering from some of my addictions. I just
got home a few minutes ago which is way beyond my curfew. This curfew is a house rule that I tend to violate every now and then. So anyway I made a little
speech tonight on my theory regarding substance abuse. I thought I'd enter it here for all.
Most substance abusers, by substance I'm referring to chemicals, are riddled with fear of one thing or another. It doesn't really matter what your fear is focused on. It's just a simple fact that fear lurks there somewhere. Hmmm, let me back up a little.
We all have at least two personalities. Our sober personality and our intoxicated personality. Our intoxicated personality is always there in the background, suppressed by by what Sigmund Freud referred to as our "super ego". The super ego is sometimes referred to as the father figure or our perception of what is right and wrong, our conscience or moral beliefs.
We've all seen the cartoons where the main character struggles with two separate entities sitting on his opposite shoulders. One is telling him to behave
in one particular way and the other is telling him to behave in the opposite way. These two entities are our two personalities and in different situations either one could be professing the proper action. The ego or self (our thinking mind) must chose which course of action best fits the situation at hand.
Now here's where the problem comes in. The addicts sober personality doesn't have the ability to perform either action at will. It can only behave in one way and that particular way may not be the best course of action for every situation. This may not be true for everyone but I have come to the conclusion that this is my mode of operation. When my ego realizes that my intoxicated personality is better suited to deal with the situation or event which it finds itself in then it unleashes that personality the only way it knows how, and that is to unlock its cage with the key of intoxication. When my intoxicated personality is cut loose my sober personality becomes the one locked up. There's no way for me to work with both of them at the same time, it's either one or the other. Once the intoxicated personality is out, everything changes. What was a situation that my sober self had a difficult time dealing with, my intoxicated self handles with ease. For me the intoxicated self is much more aggressive and fears almost nothing. If my ego believes that aggression and destruction are needed for survival it takes this course of action and in my case it rarely, if ever, has failed me.
The big problem with unleashing this facet of my personality is that it knows no bounds and the destruction can go way beyond that what is necessary, causing pain and suffering in it's wake. Once the dust has settled and the intoxicated personality returns to its cage the sober personality is once again cut loose and in some of the more extreme cases has no knowledge of what the intoxicated self has done.
As the sober self begins to see what all has taken place the super ego begins it's work of condemning the actions of the intoxicated self. This condemnation manifests itself in the form of anxiety, feelings of guilt and shame. These feelings of condemnation then lead to depression which can be unbearable and only effect the sober ego.
The solution for relief? Let the intoxicated self out again, because the intoxicated self is not affected by the punishing actions of the super ego, in fact the super ego has no control over the intoxicated self. Thus begins the long term presence of the intoxicated ego which takes over as the predominant condition which the ego must maintain in order to avoid the punishing manifestations of the super ego. The longer the intoxicated ego is allowed to rein the more of the super ego's ideals are violated.
The super ego has no power over the intoxicated ego and can only impose punishment on the sober ego. The intoxicated ego's ability to remain uncaged are limited and eventually has to return to the cage to rest. As the sober ego emerges from the cage it is hit with the full brunt of the super ego's punishing wrath. This punishment can be so severe it can result death.