Mayo Clinic, Genrose

Still here, what a trip. I have to alter my attitude considerably to accept this type of entertainment. It is pretty good if you can view it from the proper vantage point. The most interesting are the bi-polar patients, and the most fun to be around. The normal everyday depressed suicidal patients can be a little dull, such as myself. It is an eye opener though when you get to see just how many deeply depressed people are out there in the comunity. Thank god for places like this that can help us get better. Life can be a dark place at times, good thing most of us never have to experience the darkness.

Depression

Depression is a lonely place to be. Now we must bear the pain without the support of others, without their strength, without their presence. Now in the midst of our fear and anguish, we reach out and there is no one there. It is at this time of existential loneliness that we feel abandonded, empty and vulnerable. This is where we live.

Adaptative Overload

That's a new one. Just becoming overwhelmed be too much bullshit. I had this arguement with one of the many GED counselors I've had. But it's my belief that a human being isn't much different from many other animals in that hey, you can be broke. Like a dog that's lost it's spirit or a horse that's been broken. When a human being loses his or her spirit and interest in life the usual diagnosis is mental illness. Maybe not mentally ill, maybe just tired and had enough? Why is it not a fundamental right for a human being to end their life in the most humane way possible. What's with all this bullshit about mental illness when it comes to suicide?

OT/RT

Occupational therapy/recreational therapy, what a joke. Like little kids getting to go to art class where we can color with crayons, make little plaques and paint by numbers. Man, sure is wierd when you get this far down the road of addiction. I just wanna be left alone in my room to read but that's considered isolating and the nurses'll hownd the shit out of ya until you get out and socialize with the other nut cases. I think I've might of mentioned the fact that 12 stepping isn't working for me, so I've decided to study cbt as much as I can and maybe someday open up a CBT inpatient treatment program for addicts of all kinds. Not just chemically dependant addicts but for anyone addicted to anything. Later.

Hey all you addicts

Got any questions? I've got answers. I've been in the MI/CD world for awhile now. Actually not that long but I've been through a lot of shit. ECT's and just about every medication you can think of. Now I'm off to a state run group home. Good thing too, I can't be trusted and I'm surprised when it happens. I'm already trying to figure out a way to get a drink but I don't think I'm gonna give in to it this time. They finaly put me on a medication that just might be the solution, at least part of it. Doctors are very reluctant to prescribe medication that actualy works for some reason. I guess it's because they can be abused, so what, I mean street drugs and alchohol will kill you. So what if a prescription drug is able to make you feel better, it's either that or death for some of us. Anyway I'm in this psych ward and getting a little bored, hopefully I'll be moving on soon. Remember, if you have any questions regarding addiction and commitment this is the place to get answers. Simon.

biopsychosocial disease

Addiction and depression are biopsychosocial diseases, both are diseases of the mind, body and environment. If your depression is due to your addiction it is refered to as an organic mood disorder and will probably not need any other treatment than treatment for the addiction. Otherwise it is called a dual disorder and requires treatment for both the addiction and the depression at the same time and separately. Simon.

IRTS

Looks like I'll be going to an IRTS home somewhere in Dakota county. This is all court ordered. I'm hoping that the recently prescribed benzo will put an end to my drinking. I'm sure it will, that's been my problem all along, anxiety and panic attacks. Incredible what it takes to get treatment and medication for anxiety, but I finaly think I've got it. Now I'll be able to get on with my life.

Alrighty Then

Ok, finally, after all this trouble I finally just took a step in the right direction. First thing is I finally got the doctors to listen to me. Rather than let me die of alcohol poisoning they are finaly going to try to treat my anxiety problem. I guess I had to go where the real profesionals are, The Mayo Clinic (St.Mary's) in Rochester. Not only am I going to get medication for anxiety but they are also starting my on a program called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). After 5 years of 12 step programming that doesn't work for me and two near death relapses, I get the real thing. Right now I'm living in the psych ward in St.May's awaiting treatment. I've got people waiting to use this computer so I'll be back later.

yeeeeehaaa

oh crap, I'm in a funny place, just have to make the best of it. I relapsed twice now in a short time. I'm trying to get the doctors to help me but nope...... I guess I can see their point in a way but it's just wrong. They won't prescribe me any benzo's for anxiety. Weird, I guess they just don't do that anymore, too dangerouse. I'm supposed to be better off drinking vodka than getting benzo's. I really doubt it, but that's their position on the subject. I'm having trouble getting my daughter on the phone also, not sure what the problem is, but I'm sure their is a problem. I need a few things from my apartment and no way to get out of hear to get the stuff. Tomorrow I'm going to try to get a pass or something so I can get some of my stuff, dammit. Well anyway, I ended up spending a month at Fairview Riverside psych ward and now I'm in the Mayo Clinic Psych ward. What's up with that crap? It's me, wasn't kidding about my addiction problem. Well, me gonna go read and nap.

whoops

Hmm, I know it's been awhile but I'm back. Well kind of. I'm in Rochester psych ward in St.Mary's Hospital. Boom, twice in a row. No hope for me.