Just want everyone to see this, click the heading to this post. If you suffer from anxiety disorder like I do, better get it under control, even if it means demanding help.
Psychiatric protocol prohibits treatment of anxiety disorders in people with a history of substance abuse, so you've got to demand a deviation. Not easy but it can be done, it worked with me but I have to go through the same bullshit every time I get a prescription refilled. The basis of their protocol is unfounded and simply ridiculous.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Universal Life Force
Reiki
GOKAI (The Five Basic Reiki Principles)
"The secret method of inviting good fortune.”
The marvelous medicine for all sickness,
Just for today:
Do not be angry
Do not worry
Be grateful
Work with integrity
Be kind to others.
Usui Mikao
Saturday, June 21, 2008
KMA
Haven't been doing too well lately. I guess I'm starting to get the fuck its again. Just waiting out my time. Seems like life has been going on a little too long for me. Birds are making a lot of racket outside. I live in a basement, in the back. I've got a window but I never raise the blinds. I know what's going on though, I'm a self proclaimed electronics genius and I've got a camera and microphone out in the front yard. It's one of the only things I watch on TV. One of the only things. The sun has been rising for the last half hour or so but not much else. I'm working on another camera I stripped out of an old cell phone, plan on putting that one in a park about two blocks from here, haven't given the details a lot of thought just yet, it will be a challenge.
I've been reading this book I got turned on to by one of my AA sponsors that committed suicide a few years back. It's a pretty thick book with pages as thin as they make. It's not an easy read. I've been reading it for at least three years. The book is supposedly authored by a guy named Jesus who's died a long time ago. It's a long story how this book materialised, maybe twenty or thirty years ago, so I won't go there, for now anyway. Anyway, one thing in it makes a lot of sense to me and that has to do with personal attacks on us from any of our brothers or sisters. Jesus says that we're all brothers and sisters and we're separated by something called the ego. Healing this separation and reuniting us as we ought to be is the premise of the book. A difficult undertaking at best. The ego continues to dominate us but if we follow a few simple directives we can overcome the ego. The problem here is, to get everyone to rid themselves of the ego so we can end the separation and be reunited with god. By the looks of things, it ain't happening anytime soon. Jesus also says that time doesn't really exist. But I won't get into that just yet either.
So here's the deal, I've been attacked. I also suffer from something called blunting. Blunting is psychiatric term used to describe a condition where someone lacks emotional reaction. A blunted person has no trouble understanding emotional reactions, he or she just doesn't feel them. Kind of like Spock on Star Trek. Not reacting emotionally to a verbal attack does not mean you don't recognise the attack, you do definitely make a mental note of it though and save the note for further analysis when the chaotic situation is over.
One of the major problems with this flat emotional affect is that the person on the attack will obviously see that their abusive comments aren't producing the desired reaction which provokes an escalation in the attack. Frustration and bewilderment are the end result for the attacker, while the blunted victim might say, "hey, this coffee seems to taste better than usual, should we have another round"?
I've given all the abusive comments I received during that one sided conversation some careful consideration. Trying to decide how I should react. I mean what would be the proper reaction and whether or not I should do what most people would. I spend most of my time trying not to act as others do just because that's the way others act. I do this because I realise that the great majority of people don't think for themselves, rather; they try to march in step with what has been taught to them by mass hysteria, social norms, cultural influence, and of course TV sitcoms.
Getting back to that book I was talking about, Jesus says that any attack on your brother is actually a cry for help. I'm going to go with that and offer my forgiveness. As for the cry for help, I only wish I could. If there is anything I can do I surely will, only thing I ask is that you don't forget that I am your brother and I'm not in the best shape.
I've been reading this book I got turned on to by one of my AA sponsors that committed suicide a few years back. It's a pretty thick book with pages as thin as they make. It's not an easy read. I've been reading it for at least three years. The book is supposedly authored by a guy named Jesus who's died a long time ago. It's a long story how this book materialised, maybe twenty or thirty years ago, so I won't go there, for now anyway. Anyway, one thing in it makes a lot of sense to me and that has to do with personal attacks on us from any of our brothers or sisters. Jesus says that we're all brothers and sisters and we're separated by something called the ego. Healing this separation and reuniting us as we ought to be is the premise of the book. A difficult undertaking at best. The ego continues to dominate us but if we follow a few simple directives we can overcome the ego. The problem here is, to get everyone to rid themselves of the ego so we can end the separation and be reunited with god. By the looks of things, it ain't happening anytime soon. Jesus also says that time doesn't really exist. But I won't get into that just yet either.
So here's the deal, I've been attacked. I also suffer from something called blunting. Blunting is psychiatric term used to describe a condition where someone lacks emotional reaction. A blunted person has no trouble understanding emotional reactions, he or she just doesn't feel them. Kind of like Spock on Star Trek. Not reacting emotionally to a verbal attack does not mean you don't recognise the attack, you do definitely make a mental note of it though and save the note for further analysis when the chaotic situation is over.
One of the major problems with this flat emotional affect is that the person on the attack will obviously see that their abusive comments aren't producing the desired reaction which provokes an escalation in the attack. Frustration and bewilderment are the end result for the attacker, while the blunted victim might say, "hey, this coffee seems to taste better than usual, should we have another round"?
I've given all the abusive comments I received during that one sided conversation some careful consideration. Trying to decide how I should react. I mean what would be the proper reaction and whether or not I should do what most people would. I spend most of my time trying not to act as others do just because that's the way others act. I do this because I realise that the great majority of people don't think for themselves, rather; they try to march in step with what has been taught to them by mass hysteria, social norms, cultural influence, and of course TV sitcoms.
Getting back to that book I was talking about, Jesus says that any attack on your brother is actually a cry for help. I'm going to go with that and offer my forgiveness. As for the cry for help, I only wish I could. If there is anything I can do I surely will, only thing I ask is that you don't forget that I am your brother and I'm not in the best shape.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Pitty Party
This has been on my mind for most of the day, the "Pity Party". Anyone who attends AA on a regular basis is familiar with this stupid catch phrase. AA'ers (not all of them) have lost touch with the basic concept of a support group. I've been to around 1,500 AA meetings and I'm a bit sick of the ambiance set by the old cronies. These assholes believe an AA meeting can be botched up because someone, suffering from an overwhelming emotional crisis, shares their misfortune with the group. When I use the term "old cronies", I make no reference to the chronological age of the ass. There are plenty of young old cronies in AA.
The other night I was at a meeting and a woman began to speak of her struggles with alcoholism, became emotional and started to cry. Of course silence overtook the room and the woman, too distressed to continue, got up and left.
OK, so that's the way it goes, happens all the time. The part that disturbed me was after the meeting. This group likes to extend things out a little with fellowship activities following the meetings. That's cool and I like that part and do participate. You never know where we'll go, usually something different or mix it up, coffee, Perkins, etc. Well i was disappointed when we were having coffee at the comments coming from a couple of the cronies. Like, "Well that pity party ruined tonight's meeting", and "You know, that's not the kind of thing I wanna hear when I go to a meeting."
The point here is, these are the happy- happy, joy- joy people. Every AA group has them and they believe that AA meetings exist for the sole purpose of uplifting every ones mood and enthusiasm for sobriety. I believe this is definitely a part of it but room must be made for those that aren't to the point of teetotaling bliss. Everyone has to start at the bottom and when AA starts putting the newcomers aside then AA has lost sight of its purpose. As you well know I believe AA is washed out as it is.
The other night I was at a meeting and a woman began to speak of her struggles with alcoholism, became emotional and started to cry. Of course silence overtook the room and the woman, too distressed to continue, got up and left.
OK, so that's the way it goes, happens all the time. The part that disturbed me was after the meeting. This group likes to extend things out a little with fellowship activities following the meetings. That's cool and I like that part and do participate. You never know where we'll go, usually something different or mix it up, coffee, Perkins, etc. Well i was disappointed when we were having coffee at the comments coming from a couple of the cronies. Like, "Well that pity party ruined tonight's meeting", and "You know, that's not the kind of thing I wanna hear when I go to a meeting."
The point here is, these are the happy- happy, joy- joy people. Every AA group has them and they believe that AA meetings exist for the sole purpose of uplifting every ones mood and enthusiasm for sobriety. I believe this is definitely a part of it but room must be made for those that aren't to the point of teetotaling bliss. Everyone has to start at the bottom and when AA starts putting the newcomers aside then AA has lost sight of its purpose. As you well know I believe AA is washed out as it is.
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