Simon Says:
OK, got up this morning, dragged a comb across my head. Actually my room mate woke me up wanting to use my car. So I'm up now, have to get ready for an AA meeting. Not one I normally go to. This one is kind of clicky. They don"t take kindly to newcomers which is so contrary to the AA tradition. AA is supposed to embrace newcomers and welcome them with open arms. These are mostly women who are the snobbish ones. I wouldn't be going if it weren't for my sponsors request. It always takes people a little while to get used to me at these things because I have a tendency to poke holes in the 12 steps. I don't agree with them and I don't try to pretend that I do. My belief is more of a zen type philosophy, (live in the moment) where AA believes you have to keep rehashing the past in order to stay sober today. I'd rather forget about the past, when I think about it too much I just feel like having a drink. AA doesn't work, that has been proven. The only reason I keep going is there just isn't anything else. I thought about joining a buddhist church and may still. But for now I'll just keep going to AA. Besides, there's no place like AA to find new drinking buddies.
Tonight I'm going to bring a meeting to the local detox center where you have a captive audience and try to recruit new alcoholics. Pretty much a wast of time but something to do.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
I'm back for good now
Simon Says:
Hey I'm back. This time for real. I've been away for so long I need to get reacquainted with this whole blog. It needs a lot of fixing. The streaming audio thing is still my dream but I'm going to have to start from scratch. I lost two of my computers since I was on last, but I hung on to this one which wasn't easy. Time to upgrade anyway, just need to keep this hard drive.
I'll try to give you some perspective on where I've been for the last year or so. I realize I've probably lost all my former readers but they may come back. I left the shared house as I said I was going to and moved in with a friend who was also in the shared house. That didn't go well so I moved again, this time I rented a room in a house not far from here and that didn't go well either. Keep in mind that I had relapsed way before the first move. After that I moved to another place and didn't get along with the landlord there either. So I moved again, now I'm back at my friends house, the one I moved out on before. Pretty crazy. After this, no more roommates for me! I'm trying to save up enough to rent my own apartment for a change instead of renting rooms. Sober now, but it's only been a few days. That's the short version of the last year, maybe some of the details will emerge as we get back into this thing.
I just had dinner and had to go grocery shopping to get some food to cook. While at the grocery store I just happened to run into my AA sponsor whom I had just told a couple of weeks ago I was through with the AA program. Just fed up with it. Truth is I was sorry I left, AA had become my only social activity for the last 8 years that I don't know what to do with myself. So I told my old sponsor that I'm going back, maybe as early as tomorrow. The only thing about AA is you end up meeting a lot of people that still drink and I always end up right there with them. I can see how I gradually slid back downhill until I was back to where I started, almost. Caught myself before things got too bad, but I guess I need AA to keep me from going down the tubes too far. That means I've never been totally abstinent for very long. but it's those short stretches of sobriety that have kept me alive.
I just recently took a road trip out to Arizona with my roommate and ended up leaving him there. We were both too fucked up to make any rational decisions and he wanted to fly back so I left him there and took off to New Mexico. I stayed in New Mexico for a little more than a week and my roommate was supposed to be back here to Minnesota long before I. Turns out he never showed up for another month and when he got here I had to bring him directly to the ER because he was bleeding internally. The hospital said he was on the brink of death when I brought him in. They were even considering giving him an emergency liver transplant because his liver was all fucked up from doing too much vicodin and alcohol. This all happened within the last couple weeks. He's out of the hospital now but is still drinking and doing whatever else. I decided to sober up again and return to AA. My room mate isn't interested in AA or NA. Just wants to keep getting high.
Hey I'm back. This time for real. I've been away for so long I need to get reacquainted with this whole blog. It needs a lot of fixing. The streaming audio thing is still my dream but I'm going to have to start from scratch. I lost two of my computers since I was on last, but I hung on to this one which wasn't easy. Time to upgrade anyway, just need to keep this hard drive.
I'll try to give you some perspective on where I've been for the last year or so. I realize I've probably lost all my former readers but they may come back. I left the shared house as I said I was going to and moved in with a friend who was also in the shared house. That didn't go well so I moved again, this time I rented a room in a house not far from here and that didn't go well either. Keep in mind that I had relapsed way before the first move. After that I moved to another place and didn't get along with the landlord there either. So I moved again, now I'm back at my friends house, the one I moved out on before. Pretty crazy. After this, no more roommates for me! I'm trying to save up enough to rent my own apartment for a change instead of renting rooms. Sober now, but it's only been a few days. That's the short version of the last year, maybe some of the details will emerge as we get back into this thing.
I just had dinner and had to go grocery shopping to get some food to cook. While at the grocery store I just happened to run into my AA sponsor whom I had just told a couple of weeks ago I was through with the AA program. Just fed up with it. Truth is I was sorry I left, AA had become my only social activity for the last 8 years that I don't know what to do with myself. So I told my old sponsor that I'm going back, maybe as early as tomorrow. The only thing about AA is you end up meeting a lot of people that still drink and I always end up right there with them. I can see how I gradually slid back downhill until I was back to where I started, almost. Caught myself before things got too bad, but I guess I need AA to keep me from going down the tubes too far. That means I've never been totally abstinent for very long. but it's those short stretches of sobriety that have kept me alive.
I just recently took a road trip out to Arizona with my roommate and ended up leaving him there. We were both too fucked up to make any rational decisions and he wanted to fly back so I left him there and took off to New Mexico. I stayed in New Mexico for a little more than a week and my roommate was supposed to be back here to Minnesota long before I. Turns out he never showed up for another month and when he got here I had to bring him directly to the ER because he was bleeding internally. The hospital said he was on the brink of death when I brought him in. They were even considering giving him an emergency liver transplant because his liver was all fucked up from doing too much vicodin and alcohol. This all happened within the last couple weeks. He's out of the hospital now but is still drinking and doing whatever else. I decided to sober up again and return to AA. My room mate isn't interested in AA or NA. Just wants to keep getting high.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Just needed a break
OK, this isn't going to work. Trying to post from my phone. I'll keep this one short. Since leaving the shared housing situation I've moved four times. Still haven't found what I'm looking for. Right now I'm sharing an apartment with an old friend of mine. Not the ideal situation but, could be worse. I've grown to be so independant that I just don't like someone around always wanting to know what I'm doing or whare I'm going or anything. I never ask those kind of quetions. Since that's the biggest problem I have here its working out just fine, so far.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
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