Simon Says:
Right now I'm one of those socially introverted people I was talking about in my last post. I'm from Eagan and I've made a couple of moves in the last couple of years. I've ended up in West St.Paul where I don't know anyone and I really don't know my way around much. I know Robert St. pretty well and I guess that's good enough. I go to the Downtown St.Paul Alano Club now and then for AA meetings but not enough to get to know anyone. I just ain’t into it anymore and I get a little tired of alcoholic’s that keep putting on the “happy, happy, joy, joy” act all the time. Then there are the alcoholic's that take the program way too seriously for me. Big book thumpers they're called and I think I talked about them in one of my earlier posts. AA has a thing called sponsorship and everyone in AA is supposed to get a sponsor. A sponsor is supposed to help you work through the twelve steps and be kind of a mentor as you go through all the lifestyle changes that come with sobriety. I've had sponsors and I've been a sponsor but now I'm rethinking the whole AA thing. I'm guessing I'm looking for something different, an alternative to AA. I've watched my latest sponsor transform from a pretty cool sober dude to a full fledged big book thumper and I'm not so sure I liked what I saw. His whole life revolves around AA and I just don't know if that's for me. In reality, I was headed down that road when I fell into my last relapse. I cant debunk it all the way though because it has kept my last sponsor sober and he seems to be happy with his life. This is a guy that was just as bad off as me and he's managed to stay sober for five years now. I still go to an occasional AA meeting with him and we still get along pretty well, I'm just not sure if AA will work for me as well as it has for him.
I'm seriously considering alternatives to AA. There are a few but I've never really looked into them. A little research on the internet will turn up quite a few. The one I'm thinking about checking into is called Health Realization or the Three Principles. I don't know enough about this program to make any comments on it but my intention is to find a local group and try it out. When I do I'll be reporting on my experience. I have to go to a weekly IDDT (Integrated Dual Disorder Treatment) group as a condition of my commitment. It was one of my counselors in that group that suggested I check into the Health realization program. I have done some reading about it and apparently it has a better track record than AA. My personal belief is that AA's track record isn't very good at all. It's supposed to be a program of honesty and spirituality. I once was at an AA meeting where a guy who had claimed 25 years of sobriety finally fessed up to smoking marijuana the whole time. This particular group had what they call a group conscious vote and voted to let him maintain his status of being sober for 25 years. I've got nothing against weed but it makes me wonder how many others in AA are being less than honest about their sobriety. Technically in AA you're not allowed to substitute another drug to replace alcohol and still claim to be sober. That's where that term cross addiction comes in and I know a lot about that. I was one who voted to let him keep his 25 year claim to sobriety because in my opinion weed pales in comparison to the adverse affects of alcohol. I do know that weed raises hell with your lungs though, I have a couple of friends that have lung problems after very long term use of marijuana. I used to smoke the shit a lot but after awhile it would trigger panic attacks every time I smoked it. The only time I could smoke it was if I had plenty of alcohol to stave off the panic attacks.
Today was pretty boring for me, didn't do much but since I've been trying to stay sober that's been par for the course. I did have to go see my probation officer today and that sucks ass. I've got to take a cab there every month because the bus just isn't an option. I have to go to the court house for these meetings and it's pretty much the same thing every time. He just wants to know if my status has changed and whether or not I've been staying sober. Oh, and I have to report any contact I might have had with the police. I think we could do these meetings over the phone but he wants to eyeball me to see if I might be lying.
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